Story Time With Goblin

This post is purely satirical and accurately reflects the views of CPAC, CPAWM, and all of its affiliates fully and entirely.  

The Badboy Chronicles

“I can do this” Badboy said to himself, staring into his bathroom mirror. He slipped his 23$ gold chain around his neck. He had asked his mother to buy it for him the day before while they were shopping at Kohls. He put his hat over his head, and vehemently turned it sideways. Now, Badboy was ready.

He marched to school, determination painted across his face. Finally, he got to the basketball court – the known residence of the majority of the black kids enrolled there. Badboy took a deep breath, mustered his courage, then spoke the words he rehearsed for so many hours in the mirror.


Badboy spent the rest of the class period enclosed in a locker.

A Hero, A Pole, and a Dream

Inside the Pizza Shop on Klondike sat a young penguin that went by the name of Trader. His phone began to vibrate loudly. His flippers reached inside his pocket, but the phone slipped from his hands, most likely because they were covered in grease. He bent over to pick it up, only for the phone to slip once again. This time, he used both flippers, and finally managed to grab his phone. At no point during these events did Trader think to utilize his unsullied napkin, sitting to the right of him.

Trader checked the caller ID. It was a young penguin named Taru. The mere thought of her made young Treys heart skip. Trey quickly answered, and the voice of his dreams spoke.

“Hey, you should come over tonight. My parents are asleep, but there’s a pole that leads to my window. It’s super easy to climb, my 5-year-old niece has done it. Shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

Trader then confirmed that it would be no issue, believing his years of Club Penguin combat would have granted him the upper body strength to make it.

Our young hero had never peddled fast on his bike in his entire life to make it to Tarus house. Finally he arrived and Tarus face was visible through the window, looking back at him. She gestured to the pole.

Trader gripped the pole, his flippers still a tad bit slippery. Half from the grease of the previously mentioned pizza, half from the sweat. With all of his might, he began to pull. Trader fell from the pole.

But did one failure stop our hero? No, of course not. He tried again. The result didn’t change. Taru looked back at him and said three words. Three words was all it took to break Traders young heart. These words are engrained in Traders memory. Words he will never forget.

“Just go home.”

Her window shut closed,  as did Traders chances that night.


As mentioned before, this post is strictly satire and any resemblance it displays to real life events that may have occurred is purely coincidental. 


Donald Trump Supporter

Intergalactic Warlord

Gay Right Deactivist


4 Responses

  1. You’re amazing, gobly. ❤

  2. lmfao

  3. Nice.

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