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The Formal Retirement of Mach

KLONDIKE, CPA Central Headquarters – Earlier this month, and at the end of December, I made the community known of my imminent farewell from the position of CPAC CEO, and the passing of this position to Goblin, the current acting CEO. I believe; however, that it is unfair to leave everyone without a complete retirement post. When I was in the process of writing my original retirement post, I simply couldn’t, it was the strongest writers block I’ve ever gotten, and the emotion that each letter I attempted to conjure up made me shy away from even continuing. It’s time to tell my perspective from those several months as one of this site’s leader, and make known the truth behind my career.

It was the month of March, 2015, when I began my true strides in CPAWM. I had been recently appointed a member of the CPAWM Advisory Board, with the task of giving my opinions on matters to the Bluesockwa brothers, and help them come to a decision, much like a Presidential cabinet. I had taken this job as an opportunity, and enlisted as an administrative staff member in SM Army Press, in order to show primarily Blue1, my mentor and friend, that I was competent enough for the responsibility. My first major story was a special report on the Fish Warriors, in which Gingersnap was ousted for faking events, editing pictures, and multilogging, in a post which you can see here.

Gingersnap’s response to this post.

After breaking several major stories on both SMAP and CPAC, as at the time I was Editor-in-Chief on both websites, I continued on a “trail of tears,” bringing the hammer down on Air Force with the assistance of Zing King To, then SM Army Press CEO, in a post that busted the army for IP logging, and ended up tarnishing their reputation permanently. This special report was perhaps one of the most fun posts I’ve ever had the honor to compose, as it was the start of my road for CPAC CEO. During this same time period, I was already gaining momentum within the CPAWM board, and being granted positions with increasing power. If you’d like to read the post titled “Air Farce,” click here.

Seer’s, then AF leader, response.

Between the span of March-April, I broke some of the biggest headlines, and skyrocketed through the hope candidates list for CPAC CEO, a rank which had been previously destined for my friend, and at the time Executive Producer, Albaro Lord. Simultaneously, I was at one point in time, with the absence of Superoo, and the limited presence of Blue1, an internal figurehead with SM Army Press, tasked with holding the site together during it’s climax of conflict with SMAC, under which SMAP was led by Zing and Gar101. To put it cleanly, Zing and Gar were always at each others necks, and as CPAWM mockingly worded it, I was their “babysitter.” I managed to cover, in both SMAP and CPAC, the returns and deaths of multiple armies, but it was then when my third great post of 2015, no disrespect to my normal reports, was released: “Jodie’s on Fire… Again.” The post described her army, the Fire Invaders, and revealed her intense multilogging for the 2nd time, the first being in the Water Ninjas. You can view that post by clicking here.

Jodie’s official response.

It wasn’t too long after that, after intense CPAWM deliberation, I was voted in as the next CEO in a landslide victory, and I began to set up my administration and inaugural post. In this inauguration post, which you can see here, I made a series of promises, the overwhelming majority of which; I kept. Here is a list of some of these promises, in no specific order:

  • Coverage of Oldcp Clash of the Empire Tournament,
  • CP Army Servers released,
  • CPAC’s 2nd largest views spike,
  • Top Ten Assembly,
  • The creation of a new Top Ten formula,
  • Goodwill Tours around the community,
  • Second CPAC Gala,
  • The Machy Awards,
  • Introduction of organized Debate posts,
  • Roasts: The Retirement Roast of Mach,
  • (Not that good) Site Redesign,
  • Servers Summit,
  • Servers Reset + Servers Draft,
  • Passing of Servers Management to a non-CPAC source,

While I was by few means extraordinary, I did what I promised, what was “expected” and asked of me, and hell, I did it with style. Up to this point I had been interim-SMAP CEO, SMAP Special Prosecutor, CPAWM Advisory Board member, and now, CPAC CEO, during the website’s 6th year. I didn’t stop there quite yet, I continued on with some of the big investigative reports, such as this piece on desperation for troops, which can be viewed here.

DrMatt, then BMA leader, one of the subjects of the post’s response.

I decided to experiment, following this, with a new weekly series in which I gave my personal reflections on issues that had occurred involving that week. Quite unfairly of me, I decided to use my position in CPAC to muscle people in petty disputes, with varied success, but a great deal of attention and feedback, thus revenue. In this post, “Fridays with Mach #1,” I reiterated the points that define ignorant people in our community, and you can click here to view this post.

Step’s, one of the afflicted, response.

After only 2 months of being CPA Central CEO, it was time for the CPAC Summer 2015 Awards, in which I managed to somehow get the award for Best News Site CEO, though in my own personal opinion, I believe the award truly belongs with Zak, who was CEO for the entire year of 2015, unlike myself who was only CEO for half of 2015. Regardless, I graciously accepted the award, a testament to my growing popularity in the community among the “common man.” The results post for those awards, which you can find here, also included me as the 3rd Best GFX Maker, sweet!

Following this; however, came the most controversial and mixed reviewed post of my entire career, in which the divide was half and half, over one small section. The post I am referring to, which you can view here, is “Ice Warriors: As the Pillars Fall,” which alluded to the multilogging that IW was eventually caught for in “Don’t Freeze Up.” There was slight evidence that would prompt an investigation, but they were upset because it was the first time such a large army was given media attention for such an accusation, and thus the chain of Special Reports came in rapid succession. I; however, didn’t know what would follow, and thus for the months of October and November, I went inactive, having had 2 large push backs to my actions as CEO. When I returned, stressed from my personal and school life, exhausted and emotionally wrought, I began to finally put work into arguably the most significant post in CP Army history, and certainly of 2015.

post of the year

In a society, any for that matter, not just our community, not just during our time period, there is a desire for order, and this order is only achieved by one, unanimous pact: law. Club Penguin Armies, an escape from organized society and the seriousness of real life issues, has struggled in the past, as well as with modern times, in ever being able to set anything in stone, and abiding by it. If the Council were to outlaw cheating, the Council would be ignored; if CPAC were to deduct for cheating, CPAC would be boycotted. However, the topic of this post is the fact; a theory, if you dare plead innocent, that just about every army engages or has engaged in multilogging, and that there is so much ignorance in this community, that the issue may very well never be solved.

“Everybody Multilogs,” the 13,000 word long manifesto on the crimes of our community, was the final act of my career as CEO: I had fallen out of love with CP Army Central, and the armies I once worked to serve. The CPAC Post of the Year, “Everybody Multilogs,” can be seen by clicking here, it was a Christmas Eve present to all.

Had I stuck around, during that two month span in which half the community wondered whether or not I’d been abducted by aliens, would I have still been CEO? Probably yes, but I wouldn’t have been fulfilled, and I wouldn’t have been happy. Emotionally and personally, I’ve been getting much better. I’ve already missed being the front man of CPAC, despite how short of a time it was, but I’m glad to have experienced this, and I will never forget it. Thank you all.

๖̶̶мacн

Former CPA Central CEO

Former SM Army Press Deputy + Temp CEO

Former CPAWM Special Prosecutor + Advisory Member

Current CPAC Divisional Manager

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31 Responses

  1. Farewell, Machpai.

  2. Congrats on your career. Now comes the after-career work, which means being on the other side of the hypothetical division of entities when meetings happen in the Boardroom. Thanks for your vision buddy, happy to work with you more closely in the next few years.

  3. lol bye

  4. who r you faggot

  5. Bye babe.

  6. Send postcards xoxo

  7. biological father? Or like…is this some kinky sex thing

  8. With love, from your mother’s bedroom 😉

  9. Nice

  10. bias

    gdog would make a better ceo

  11. Well written post. Good luck.

  12. Going to miss yah broski

  13. Broski? Broski? Ya just had to say broski didn’t ya? Fgt.

  14. flood of cp declare war on this post please find the times below

    (whats your server)

  15. Lmaolols

  16. Take Tracy Morgan out of your ass badboy.
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  17. Lmao, I must admit, you caught me.

    See ya, Mach!

  18. im gonna miss you machoween, pce bby.

  19. Bye Mach! 😦

  20. Au revoir Mach, and thanks for all your help at SMAP ❤

  21. “The Failed Visionary.”

    Goodbye Mach.

  22. Wary

  23. I’m only a failed visionary because I had a vision where you weren’t kissing someone’s ass 😉

  24. No, you were a failed visionary because you went insanely inactive for days at a time & completely neglected everything you were asked to do.

  25. Don’t go burning bridges now…

  26. You fucked it up pretty bad, I’d figure its best just to torch it.

  27. LOVE YOU MACH :O

  28. What?! You mean to tell me our friendship wasn’t 6 years of dick sucking? Our breaths might say differently…

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